Hi Halloween Hellraisers!
What a great lot of creepy stories and poems! Did it surprise you the level of scariness we managed to conjure up for this challenge? Well done everyone. We had such a good time reading your entries we went back again to enjoy them all over. Thus one of the reasons for the lateness of this post.
Well as you know, our venerable judges, Ann Best and Nas Dean have been behind the scenes, reading, re-reading, printing out your stories, checking the guidelines and exchanging ideas for who had the best stories or prosetry this challenge. Before we make the announcement, here is a critique of each and every entry: All four of us have participated in the writing of critiques this time and we're not telling who did what. You can try to guess. Maybe our voice comes through. Unlikely seeing we each added bits and pieces to some.
The crits are somewhat more detailed than our usual mini critiques, partly due to the increased word limit, and partly because you have all put in so much effort for this challenge, your entries deserve respect. We wanted to hand out awards to more than 3 as there were so many contenders.
CRITIQUES
Mirror Mirror by Debra Ann Elliott
The beginning of this intriguing story of mirrors and ghosts immediately piqued my interest with its echoes of the fairy tale Sleeping Beauty: “Mirror, mirror in my bedroom.” A teenage girl wishes for a handsome bridegroom. But Megan gets more than she bargains for. It’s a good thing that Jax loves her as he battles to save her from the evil Slag. Mirrors. Ouija boards. Good versus evil. All the elements of a good Halloween story. I could follow this story line, and was impressed with the author’s writing skills. Very good dialogue and description.
Anna of Anna’s Adornment - 'Jenny's Robinson Crusoe - Halloween '
This story has the ingredients of romance, mystery and danger. But it didn't have the Halloween ending which I was looking for. It hooked us right in with its beginning (which set the scene right away) and there was good dialogue, easy to follow. Poor Jenny, the MC, has been on a deserted island for three years, so long that she prefers ghosts of her departed friends to no friends at all. "Please haunt me Jack." This is obviously part of a much-larger landscape I'm not familiar with, but from this excerpt I can see the making of a much-longer story, perhaps in novella form. It left me hankering for a slice of creamy, rich pumpkin pie...yum.
Peartree Cottage by Sally Stackhouse
I liked the build-up to the haunting event with the quirky MC Ellen and her less-quirky husband George moving into Peartree Cottage. There was backstory on the couple and their life, and a reason for them to be moving into a haunted house. There was a theme of following your heart - don't be afraid to break out - keep moving even when advice is to the contrary: "You've lived in that house since 1982 they gasped in shock...don't make any hasty decisions." I like how connecting with the ghost and understanding his needs negated his scariness, and just made him a part of the new house and new life for the perspective couple.
Vampire Dreams by Francine Howarth
From first sentence to last, I heard Vincent Price in my head as narrator to this story. There were some abstract concepts that escaped me (not sure if the Owl is the Mystical Phantom). "Too late, too late; He's opened his blood-lined cape;" There is no romantic element to this writing – unless you count the romance of blood lust - but overall this was spooky, passionate and evocative. A smooth, lyrical story that catches the eye and moves forward to the bitter end.
Wild Guardian by Kiru Taye
In legend, this freshwater swamp of the Edumanom forest was haunted with “ghouls, phantoms and otherworldly beasts [that] paraded at night.” In hauntingly vivid imagery, the author takes us into this scene through the eyes of Ama, who is a wildlife photographer with “an affinity to the forest.” At the end, with Timi, who is apparently her lover, she wonders: Was the forest a dream? Perhaps, as Timi says, “It’ll be clearer in the morning.” There’s only one metaphor that jars me: “her heart did a skid as it raced off.” Hearts don’t skid; nor do they “race off.” Otherwise, in my opinion the writing is perfect.
The Panettiere Cup by N. R. Williams
Romance is paramount in this story and the author's skills as a published fantasy writer are evident. The beginning of the story and when her heroine takes flight to the old castle gave me chills. This story has flawless descriptive passages, and credible characters. Aya’s the aging heroine, loved by her husband but haunted by what might have been if she had married the man her father chose for her. In this melancholy frame of mind, she is “bewitched,” but in the end realizes what true love really is. In a brief but beautiful ending that exhibits the author’s excellent skill with dialogue, her loving husband rescues her from her melancholy flight. I feel her joy as she realizes that love comes from the ordinary moments a husband and wife share through the years.
House of Horror by Roland Yeomans
I didn't find any romance in this excerpt, but it is definitely atmospheric. This author has an awesome command of dialogue and description. I love lines like: “I didn’t trust these two any further than I could throw Pittsburg.” Great hyperbole. And what spookier setting than New Orleans for “the LaLaurie mansion [that] towered over us like the House of Usher.” Shades of Edgar Allan Poe. Impressive!
At the Waters Edge by Panchali Sesngupta
Love the intro of the main character, and the
setting, and then the ghosts that are the main focus of this plot. I liked the broad world view that shifts and
focuses on the intimate scene, but doesn't lose contact with the initial
perspective character. An eerie
“telling” scene that works because the MC is an observer to something unique
and otherworldly without the need to expand or clarify. A sighting that is a full story because of
its transitory nature. Perhaps the author would benefit by running her work by others with a stronger grasp of the English language so those little mistakes can be corrected before publication.
Haunted Love by Donna Hole
Donna has a good command of dialogue. However, I don’t find any real romance here. The setting is “ordinary,” not haunted. We don’t know until the end that they’re both ghosts. And the time sequence is confusing. Is the beginning in the past or the present? I personally think the problem is that there’s more story here than can accommodate a 1000-word piece. There are some minor details, some of them typos: “Tiredness dragged at his conscious and he fell asleep” Should be consciousness. IMO it would be better to simply say, He was tired and fell asleep, avoiding the weak repetition of consciousness. He “chocked” the life out of her should be “choked.”. I can see some “foreshadowing” in: “Marcy ignored him as if he wasn't there.” The problem for me is I just can't see what’s happening when.
Charmaine Clancy - John Opie's Portrait
Charmaine writes with wry humour. No matter what the subject matter, there will be a thread of humour underpinning the text. I liked this story as it had romance and was spooky. The imagery took the reader back to another era: "...the wailing of mechanical monster..." so called as the MC didn't know what they were called. "So many inventions!" she wails. The ending gave the chills as the heroine made the mistake of getting into the demon’s arms instead of her hero's. "She tried to run but it was too late." The narration was evocative and I could visualize the events all the way through.
The O’Donnell House Case: Cade & Jules by Candilynn Fite
The author does well with dialogue. The setting is spooky. This is right on theme for this challenge. The characters are battling some kind of “entity.” I can see Cade and Jules, but I don’t see the significance of the O’Donnell House. And why is this a “case?” Jules has to catch this all on camera. Why? In the penultimate paragraph we’re introduced to Brody and Jack, two new characters we know nothing about. And in the last paragraph there’s a whole new story line. We’re also told that Cade and Jules have had a platonic relationship. So where’s the romance? I think there’s potential here for a very interesting story that explores the relationships that are only hinted at in this 1000-word piece.
Trick or Treat by Denise Covey
First paragraph is superb. Sets the creepy
scene immediately. Second paragraph, a one liner: stunning alliteration and
blinding image--“A white flare fizzed through the room”--the kind of writing
that continues through the story. The title itself is ironic, the plot clear
and suspenseful. The story begins with a “white flare” and ends with “the
flames flickered…and died.” Finally, masterful dialogue pulls me into the story
and the emotions of the characters as only great dialogue does. The dead and
the undead. Does one really want to be “tricked”
into the arms of a dead husband? Seems like a “treat” at first, but “absolute
evil” distorts. The romance element was present in the heroine’s mind as she thought the hero to be her dead husband. Author trumped her story with adequate research. Unfortunately as a host, Denise's entry cannot be awarded a prize.
Michael Di Gesu - untitled excerpt from prospective novella
This story sets up with romantic elements and there is adequate tension. It is noir with a ghostly feel set in the time of flappers, gangsters and...Liberace! The author evokes the atmosphere of the era, but I just felt there were too many adjectives. Author has done well with good dialogue from the era (obviously researched well) and ended with true Halloween gruesomeness. “Bodies are paralyzed.” Bodies? Dead or alive? I love the ending: "As dawn breaks through a driftwood gray mist...a body floats in the Chicago River." I think this will be a gripping novella, but editors will certainly suggest the author tones down some of the description.
The Wife’s Return by The Red Angel
This story starts with strong emotion, and escalates that emotional intensity through the story plot. What I like about this is that the spirit learns to cope with her change in circumstance. The character is strong and adaptable as a spirit, which implies she was equally a strong character as a living being. It is implied throughout the plot that she was suspicious and insecure in life, and that distrust is what brought her back as a ghost. The only incongruence is that our ghost/heroine wakes up “next to her own corpse, more than half decayed” but the story shows she has only been dead three weeks. An inconsistent timeline (and over word count) can be the “death” of an otherwise excellent story.
Spare Me The Horror by Ghazala Hossain
The first line of this story doesn't work for me. Now familiar; newborn; well deserved rest; all create a concept inconsistency to me. The story actually starts with the second paragraph. There are some confusing elements to this plot concept, but the characters are vividly drawn, and the fear a consistent element. This was edgy; an undefined fear that is expounded upon until it is clearly explained by the end of the story. Mysteries abound, horrors are unleashed, and the apartment above is perfect for a haunted setting. This could be an excellent story deserving of more thorough editing.
Finding Ngozi by Nilanjana Bose
Can I blame Nilanjana for keeping some of us up at night, reading then re-reading her poem? Written in Five Parts - each part having its own storyline. (I) The MC returns to his childhood town where "...the cavernous maw of a starred hotel..." stares at him, reminding him that his old town is gone - "...each road leads to the emptieth end." (II) Here is the strongest romantic element of the poem, with "She was a girl." The imagery in this part is softer, evoking the MC's memories of young love: "...fingers frisking firefly lights..." and "the doves went still...", but foreshadows the horror the author has prepared for us in the remaining Parts. "...the sun spat blood..." (III) For me, this part evoked Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods..." as the MC looks for his 'princess dark'. (IV) Ah, the horror: "...I am running, my heart burns with a strange mix of love and fear..." (V) Shades of Poe scream at the reader: "Looking,..into the abyss...all things wither, and tales finish..." So they do Nilanjana. And what a Halloween tale.
Work in Progress by Erin Kane Spock;
Erin posted an excerpt from a WiP. The excerpt shows our protagonist lovers Kay and Philippe preparing for a hurricane type storm. (Are you psychic too Erin?) I loved the sexual innuendo of Philippe racing through his apartment, shedding clothing as he closes up windows against the coming storm; and then ends on a balcony across from his charge and potential love Kay – aka Karma. The coming storm portents a mystical setting, and the dialogue discloses that the present is not set in reality; but without the author pre-write, this scene does not stand alone as a romance, or a ghostly story. It does however, have all the elements of an eerie, Halloween flash.
You Can't Escape the Darkness by A J Locke
This story could be subtitled...Escape from Hell...such was its imagery of fear evoked from the beginning and sustained right to the horrific ending. In the opening paragraph, strong imagery of darkness: "...the type of darkness that could swallow the sun." The author has used flawless language to write her story which fits the theme of' love beyond the grave'. What's she doing in Hell? The author has certainly used a romantic element - the MC loves someone so much she chooses to follow them into hell. Oh, the burn,,,The final line, powerfully penned..."The worst thing about being tortured when you're dead is that you cannot die to escape." A Halloween tale to send chills down the spine.
Heaven- Weeping Willow
I could feel the tension and the haunting presence in this heartbreaking tale. The romantic element is present in the movement between past and present. Heaven used a form of flashback to tell the story of two
lovers caught in a time-stream of strong emotions. The uniqueness of this prosetry is that the “lovers”
are not together. Strong imagery: "...trampled heads of wildflowers..." denote the destruction war brings but imagery like "...warmly scented with coffee and cream..." evoke a romantic feel. The two characters
interact in passing through their emotional burdens. In the end, the present man uses the loss and
regret from the ghostly woman to draw him closer to his own wife. Well integrated prose and storyline.
My Demon, My Lover by Raelene Purtill
A book signing from hell - murder at the masquerade party.The author has delivered great action, imagery and quirky dialogue. As one commenter, Anna, said: "Getting published is enough of a nightmare without a murder!" This otherworldly crowd delivers a lot of laughs for the reader. I got humour rather than horror, although the murder was inopportune and unexpected. Ah, there's just too much pressure in this writing world! "I have been very efficient. Angela Connolly will write no more." Oh, the horror!
Happy Halloween by Yolanda Renee
I’m not familiar with this authors writing style but she set up the scene perfectly with romance and sensuality. I was intrigued by this story of appearance versus reality. The heroine’s next-door neighbor is a cross between Daniel Craig and Johnny Depp. She’s obviously sexually drawn to him. But who, or what, is he? With excellent use of dialogue and description, the author shows us he’s a passionate man. But the extreme passion quickly disintegrates the heroine’s passion as his so-called love-making turns “heat to ice” and “desire to fear.” The author surprised me with her descriptive, gruesome ending in true Halloween style, appropriate for an un-hallowed Halloween. Happy Halloween: a most ironic title.
And our Featured Writer is...(((drum roll))) N R Williams for 'The Panettiere Cup'.
Congratulations Nancy. We hope you will take the special FW badge and post it in your sidebar, post about it if you wish, tweet, fb and link to your winning entry!
And our Runner Up is...(((drum roll))) Happy Halloween by Yolanda Renee.
Congratulations Yolanda. Please take the badge, post it on your blog, and enjoy being the writer who nearly made it to Featured Writer this week.
And our Encouragement Award goes to (((drum roll))) Wild Guardian by Kiru Taye.
Congratulations Kiru. Your entry was noticed! Your entry was considered for one of the above prizes, but in the final cut others were chosen for FW and RU.
Thanks again everyone. You are all winners. You know how carefully all the entries were considered.
We would like to offer our judges, Ann and Nas, a virtual bouquet from Monet's Garden in France and a huge THANK YOU for the hours they have expended on our behalf. Thank you ladies! Much appreciated!
A NOTE FROM NAS
Harlequin Australia recently launched their new digital only imprint, Harlequin Escape. And they asked for submissions from all aspiring and published writers out there. It was launched in August 2012. They are still looking for submissions.
Nas Dean has been taken on board for Editing. December 2012 will see the release of this new imprint.
As you know, RFW now goes into our November hiatus as many of us will be tapping out a complete novel, or 50,000 words. We return on December 12 to post the linky for our
Holiday Spirit blogfest. We hope you will join us. We'd love it if you would post the badge on your blog and promote it for us. We are hoping to learn more about YOU!!
Memoir, Fiction, Traditions, Recipes...and more....
There are a lot of suggestions for what you could write for the Holiday Spirit blogfest. It is open to all. This time you can write non-fiction, fiction, whatever strikes your fancy. Watch for a post devoted to our blogfest on Friday, Nov 2.
